her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
