they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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