Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
