My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
