just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
