You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
