I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
