is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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