if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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