I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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