Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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