there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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