whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
