I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
