she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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