Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
