saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
