I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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