The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
