Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
