I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
