Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
