Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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