they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
