you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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