I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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