I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
