Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
