one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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