im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
