dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i out mim tonsoeep
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