So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
