come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
