His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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