you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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