i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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