I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
