Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
