South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
