i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
