He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
