you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
