I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
