my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When are your genitals available?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
