You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
