a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
