I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
