I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She said her name was "party"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
