let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
where are you?
Hypothermia
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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