I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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