Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
