It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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