apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
