Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
