I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
