it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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