my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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