It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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