I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
