i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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