He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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