I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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