She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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