i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
