i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
