And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
