I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
