I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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