i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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