I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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