im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
