when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
