I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
