she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
