He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
